Thursday, May 21, 2009

Checking in

I'm mostly posting to keep my blog from being blown away into cyberspace. I need to grab some posts that I like off of here before I let it die it's much overdue death. In the future I may feel a need to write down my thought processes again, but not now. Writing isn't a natural medium for me. If there are thoughts crowding in my head dying to get out, they will simply spew out of my mouth, for better or worse. I talk; I'm a talker. That's what I do.

It's not that I don't think I can write. I do okay, much better than 10, or even 5, years ago. But I'll never be a writer. I have no compulsion to write, no story that is dying to get out, no poem dancing in my head, no pithy sayings ready to edify anyone who stumbles on them.

I don't want to post about the inner workings of my mind. I don't want to lay my mid-life crises open to inspection. No one really needs to hear how I'm handling the approach of another birthday or the disappointment over the choices of one of my children. I don 't want to talk about current events, religion, or politics. I don't know who's right or wrong...or if anyone is.

If I could write a story, or describe witty scenes of my life, I might keep going. But honestly, my days are pretty normal and my experiences not all that unique. I laugh and I cry. I fight my personal demons and my own character flaws. I succeed more times than I should, and fail more times than I like. I love my children. I love my husband. I haven't figured out the meaning of life. I haven't figured out how to live life to the fullest yet.

Some days I am who my husband sees me to be: strong, capable, loving, smart, and sexy. Some days I'm the person I dislike the most: paralyzed, petty, selfish, and indulgent. Some days I marvel at my own strength, other days I cringe at my own weakness. I don't expect too many people are very interested in reading about either version. ;-)

So all you writers out there keep clacking away at those keyboards. We need you. Those of us who don't write need to have something to fill our time!


Kansas Bob said...

Good to see you checking in Carrie.

I do wish you had and answer to the meaning of life :)

carrie said...

I'll get back to you about the whole meaning of life thing. Right now I'm working on the related issue of "When it is all said and done, what does it mean to be a Christian? What's the purpose?" Surely "personal salvation" can't be the answer, or not the whole answer, or even the most important part of the answer.

Thank you for still reading along when I do post, and for letting me know that you are.

Kansas Bob said...

Maybe being a Christian (personally or corporately) is simply following Christ in Spirit and example in everything we do? Maybe it has very little to with religion?

julieunplugged said...

Carrie, this was actually a tremendous example of what a writer you've become over the years. Remarkably clear, honest, compelling and direct. I've always enjoyed your writing.

Thanks for always reading mine.

Seems midlife is harshly upon us. We're so busy living the crisis, it's hard to write about any of it. I appreciate and value you - my dear longtime Internet friend. Much much love to you. Don't be a stranger.


Susanne Barrett said...

I have always enjoyed your writing whenever you have a few moments to share with us. I've missed your "voice" here but understand why the time isn't right for you to write.

Conversely, it *has* become my time to write. The kids are getting old enough that I can work on my writing, even if I'm in the realm of blogs and poems rather than novels and books right now. I'm writing ever so much more now than I was five years ago. I'm honing my craft and enjoying every stolen moment of it.

Take care, and don't be a stranger. I love "hearing" you when you write -- you have indeed grown so much as a writer over the past few years.

Miss you!

Carol said...

I like to write, but I can see where you are coming from on this. I don't "have" to write. Some people really do "have" to write. I have been studying different authors and poets lately. They just could "not" write. Amazing. :)

Colleen said...

So, Carrie, just to get this *don't* have the answer to the meaning of life? Sheesh! Some friend! ;-D


carrie said...

Hi Colleen! Hey, don't be too hard on me. I'm working on the meaning of life in 2010. 2009 is still tied up with getting my parenting perfected.


Dalissa said...

I think you are a fantastic writer, but I do know you are a talker first! I'll check back to see if you have found any answers.
I found what you wrote about marriage on Julie's blog insightful.