This is mostly a reprint of something I posted on my wall on facebook.
I joined the Catholic church in a Rite of Reception yesterday, July 12th. Of course no one thought to bring a camera, so there are no pictures. It's a shame, because I looked good! ;-) (Even though I was nervous!)
Will was my sponsor, which was comforting. Father John loves the anointing oil, so he poured a liberal amount on my head in the shape of a cross, and then rubbed it down my forehead and cheeks. I dripped for several hours until I could shower! It smells wonderful, though, so I didn't mind much looking like a drowned rat.
When I came back down the aisle to Will after taking communion (the new members take first), he was crying. We knelt together and he just held my arm and cried quietly for a while. It was very sweet. ...
The Liturgy of the Eucharist really did take on special meaning for me once I knew I could fully participate. I felt like I was hearing and saying all of it for the first time.
Deciding to join the RCC was a leap of faith, even with all the careful consideration I put into it over the past three years. In the end I had to just step up and do it. In some ways the deciding factor was the structure, freedom within boundaries meant a true freedom for me. I finally realized that I have felt like so much depended on me in the past, and now I don't. I love the Sacraments because they are God's doing. They work because he wills it. Not because of me, or the priest, but because God wills it. I get grace no matter what. I get to stop trying to interpret God or His will. I get to receive and then, hopefully, spread it around. I don't' have to be careful with it. I can love recklessly and let God sort it all out.
The structure of the RCC and of the Mass specifically allows me to not only be free, but to grab on when I don't know what to do or how to feel...which is often. The liturgy lays the path out for me to follow, and again, God's will means the path is right.
I still have many question and confusions about the Church. And I know they are as screwed up as any other church or institution. But to paraphrase one of the disciples, "Where else would I go? You alone can show me the truth."
Thank you to all my friends who have influenced me, supported me, prayed for me, admonished me, challenged me, changed me, argued with me, and loved me. I thank God for you daily.
Edited to Add: Will wants me to make sure everyone knows he cried in a very manly way. ;-)
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Monday, July 13, 2009
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Marriage, revisited
I recently had a conversation with Julie about marriage. Her question was whether we should reverence long-term marriages. It's a good post and a good conversation. Check it out if you haven't already.
My take, much distilled, is that marriage shouldn't be reverenced at all, but relationships need to be supported and nurtured. I also pointed out that for whatever reason, people still want/need long-term, committed relationships. We seem to be built that way. Whether it's family, friends, or lovers, we want people who will be in our lives for the long haul, and ending those relationships is extrememly painful.
Last night while I lounged on the bed sporadically reading my book, Iturned on the TV and caught part of a movie titled Shall We Dance? The movie is so-so, but it has an interesting message about marriage, midlife changes, and "finding yourself." (How cliche is that?) The character played by Susan Sarandon hires a private investigator because she thinks her husband is having an affair. The PI asks a rhetorical question at one point- "Why do people still want to get married?" Sarandon's character gives this answer, "People get married to have a witness for their life." She goes on to expand on that thought in a short monologue that I think is full of truth and insight. We live on a crowded planet. Marriage, or any long-term relationship, helps give our life continuity and meaning. Having someone witness our life helps validate it. I know as I get older the people who have known me for 10, 15, or even 20 years hold a special place in my life. They have the back story, they know the score, and they are still there. Witnessing my life, giving it meaning, supporting and loving me. In a society where other long-term relationships are fragile- community, friends, extended family- we want to think someone is committed to being there, not leaving, not moving away, but always there giving continuity to our days. Our lives are like art masterpieces that need viewers to appreciate them. What do they matter if no one is there to share the joy, beauty, and pain? Lovers, friends, families, communities all give our lives that shared meaning.
Why do people still hope and pray marriage works? At least partly because we want someone there to witness our life so we know it matters; that we matter.
My take, much distilled, is that marriage shouldn't be reverenced at all, but relationships need to be supported and nurtured. I also pointed out that for whatever reason, people still want/need long-term, committed relationships. We seem to be built that way. Whether it's family, friends, or lovers, we want people who will be in our lives for the long haul, and ending those relationships is extrememly painful.
Last night while I lounged on the bed sporadically reading my book, Iturned on the TV and caught part of a movie titled Shall We Dance? The movie is so-so, but it has an interesting message about marriage, midlife changes, and "finding yourself." (How cliche is that?) The character played by Susan Sarandon hires a private investigator because she thinks her husband is having an affair. The PI asks a rhetorical question at one point- "Why do people still want to get married?" Sarandon's character gives this answer, "People get married to have a witness for their life." She goes on to expand on that thought in a short monologue that I think is full of truth and insight. We live on a crowded planet. Marriage, or any long-term relationship, helps give our life continuity and meaning. Having someone witness our life helps validate it. I know as I get older the people who have known me for 10, 15, or even 20 years hold a special place in my life. They have the back story, they know the score, and they are still there. Witnessing my life, giving it meaning, supporting and loving me. In a society where other long-term relationships are fragile- community, friends, extended family- we want to think someone is committed to being there, not leaving, not moving away, but always there giving continuity to our days. Our lives are like art masterpieces that need viewers to appreciate them. What do they matter if no one is there to share the joy, beauty, and pain? Lovers, friends, families, communities all give our lives that shared meaning.
Why do people still hope and pray marriage works? At least partly because we want someone there to witness our life so we know it matters; that we matter.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Checking in
I'm mostly posting to keep my blog from being blown away into cyberspace. I need to grab some posts that I like off of here before I let it die it's much overdue death. In the future I may feel a need to write down my thought processes again, but not now. Writing isn't a natural medium for me. If there are thoughts crowding in my head dying to get out, they will simply spew out of my mouth, for better or worse. I talk; I'm a talker. That's what I do.
It's not that I don't think I can write. I do okay, much better than 10, or even 5, years ago. But I'll never be a writer. I have no compulsion to write, no story that is dying to get out, no poem dancing in my head, no pithy sayings ready to edify anyone who stumbles on them.
I don't want to post about the inner workings of my mind. I don't want to lay my mid-life crises open to inspection. No one really needs to hear how I'm handling the approach of another birthday or the disappointment over the choices of one of my children. I don 't want to talk about current events, religion, or politics. I don't know who's right or wrong...or if anyone is.
If I could write a story, or describe witty scenes of my life, I might keep going. But honestly, my days are pretty normal and my experiences not all that unique. I laugh and I cry. I fight my personal demons and my own character flaws. I succeed more times than I should, and fail more times than I like. I love my children. I love my husband. I haven't figured out the meaning of life. I haven't figured out how to live life to the fullest yet.
Some days I am who my husband sees me to be: strong, capable, loving, smart, and sexy. Some days I'm the person I dislike the most: paralyzed, petty, selfish, and indulgent. Some days I marvel at my own strength, other days I cringe at my own weakness. I don't expect too many people are very interested in reading about either version. ;-)
So all you writers out there keep clacking away at those keyboards. We need you. Those of us who don't write need to have something to fill our time!
It's not that I don't think I can write. I do okay, much better than 10, or even 5, years ago. But I'll never be a writer. I have no compulsion to write, no story that is dying to get out, no poem dancing in my head, no pithy sayings ready to edify anyone who stumbles on them.
I don't want to post about the inner workings of my mind. I don't want to lay my mid-life crises open to inspection. No one really needs to hear how I'm handling the approach of another birthday or the disappointment over the choices of one of my children. I don 't want to talk about current events, religion, or politics. I don't know who's right or wrong...or if anyone is.
If I could write a story, or describe witty scenes of my life, I might keep going. But honestly, my days are pretty normal and my experiences not all that unique. I laugh and I cry. I fight my personal demons and my own character flaws. I succeed more times than I should, and fail more times than I like. I love my children. I love my husband. I haven't figured out the meaning of life. I haven't figured out how to live life to the fullest yet.
Some days I am who my husband sees me to be: strong, capable, loving, smart, and sexy. Some days I'm the person I dislike the most: paralyzed, petty, selfish, and indulgent. Some days I marvel at my own strength, other days I cringe at my own weakness. I don't expect too many people are very interested in reading about either version. ;-)
So all you writers out there keep clacking away at those keyboards. We need you. Those of us who don't write need to have something to fill our time!
Thursday, January 22, 2009
25 Random Things About Me
This was suppose to go on Facebook, but there are too many teens who check out my page. So I'm putting this here.
1. My parent and siblings thought I should never have children because I wouldn't be a good mom. They thought I should have a career and animals.
2. It took me many years to believe what they said wasn't true.
3. It took me a few more years to realize they really didn't mean it to be unkind. But it showed me the power of words in a person's life. Be careful what you tell a child they can or cannot do. They believe you.
4. It was after my divorce at 24 that I realized what I wanted was a husband, home, and family.
5. I spent 4 years working with race horses and living on racetacks up and down the east coast, from 20-24. I was alternately an exercise rider and a groom.
6. Horses are my first love. I haven't really been around them in years, but I know exactly how they feel, small, and sound. They will always be the most beautiful things on earth to me.
7. I gave up horses to be a wife and mother. I don't regret it, but I miss it. I believe life is about choices and that "having it all" is a myth that breeds discontent and heartache.
8. This past year I've started reading romance novels for fun. I'm not into the historic bodice-rippers, but I like the contemporary romantic suspense or sci-fi novels. Even the risque ones.
9. I'm an extrovert. I get energy from being around people. But I'm more likely to want to be home these days than out and about. Maybe it's because I've got enough people around me here that I don't need to venture far from home for company.
10. Fridays after I teach at Providence are my favorite times of the week. I don't have any commitments and no deadlines. I get into pj's and curl up with a good book or a movie. Bliss.
11. I went skinny dipping in the ocean off the NJ shore long years ago. That was during my racetrack years.
12. I'm not really fond of ice cream. Homemade is good, store-bought I can pass on.
13. I can't pass on homemade cookies (although I almost never eat packaged ones). I'll eat my weight in just about any homemade cookie. Hense the reason I don't make cookies.
14. I don't really know what I believe anymore, but I'm less worried about it than when I thought I knew. I've stopped trying to pin God down. I can recite the Nicene creed and believe it. I just don't sweat the details anymore.
15. I'm still not 100% sure about what to about church. I like the Catholic Mass, but shy away from the commitment of joining. I'm not much into obligations right now.
16. I've never been skiing, or ice skating.
17. I wear earrings every day. I rarely wear any other jewelry except my wedding rings. I feel really naked without earrings.
18. When I'm feeling stressed or depressed, I can read an entire average-length book in a day or less. One month last summer I read close to 50 books.
19. I don't really mind clutter in my house. I mind that other people might mind my clutter.
20. I don't like day-to-day meal making, but look forward to the day I have time to make fun and interesting dishes. I like cooking with Will.
21. I'm scared of getting Alzheimer's, like my mother.
22. I lived in Japan for a year when I was young. I've rarely worn shoes in the house since. It's just never felt right.
23. I took 4 years of French in high school and another two semesters in college. I had a decent grasp of the language. At 19 I gave up a chance to go to Paris for a month to live with a family and speak only French. I gave it up 'cause my boyfriend was angry I was going. Not THAT, I regret to this day. That was the guy I married and divorced.
24. I am a master procrastinator. I'm doing that now, writing this and not grading papers due tomorrow.
25. For two hours every Friday I have a room full of teens for Biology. I like these kids. And for two hours I try to accept them unconditionally. I don't think about what I know of them outside of class, if they are "nice" or not, wild or not. I try to treat them with respect and love. To help them feel valued. I hope I succeed.
1. My parent and siblings thought I should never have children because I wouldn't be a good mom. They thought I should have a career and animals.
2. It took me many years to believe what they said wasn't true.
3. It took me a few more years to realize they really didn't mean it to be unkind. But it showed me the power of words in a person's life. Be careful what you tell a child they can or cannot do. They believe you.
4. It was after my divorce at 24 that I realized what I wanted was a husband, home, and family.
5. I spent 4 years working with race horses and living on racetacks up and down the east coast, from 20-24. I was alternately an exercise rider and a groom.
6. Horses are my first love. I haven't really been around them in years, but I know exactly how they feel, small, and sound. They will always be the most beautiful things on earth to me.
7. I gave up horses to be a wife and mother. I don't regret it, but I miss it. I believe life is about choices and that "having it all" is a myth that breeds discontent and heartache.
8. This past year I've started reading romance novels for fun. I'm not into the historic bodice-rippers, but I like the contemporary romantic suspense or sci-fi novels. Even the risque ones.
9. I'm an extrovert. I get energy from being around people. But I'm more likely to want to be home these days than out and about. Maybe it's because I've got enough people around me here that I don't need to venture far from home for company.
10. Fridays after I teach at Providence are my favorite times of the week. I don't have any commitments and no deadlines. I get into pj's and curl up with a good book or a movie. Bliss.
11. I went skinny dipping in the ocean off the NJ shore long years ago. That was during my racetrack years.
12. I'm not really fond of ice cream. Homemade is good, store-bought I can pass on.
13. I can't pass on homemade cookies (although I almost never eat packaged ones). I'll eat my weight in just about any homemade cookie. Hense the reason I don't make cookies.
14. I don't really know what I believe anymore, but I'm less worried about it than when I thought I knew. I've stopped trying to pin God down. I can recite the Nicene creed and believe it. I just don't sweat the details anymore.
15. I'm still not 100% sure about what to about church. I like the Catholic Mass, but shy away from the commitment of joining. I'm not much into obligations right now.
16. I've never been skiing, or ice skating.
17. I wear earrings every day. I rarely wear any other jewelry except my wedding rings. I feel really naked without earrings.
18. When I'm feeling stressed or depressed, I can read an entire average-length book in a day or less. One month last summer I read close to 50 books.
19. I don't really mind clutter in my house. I mind that other people might mind my clutter.
20. I don't like day-to-day meal making, but look forward to the day I have time to make fun and interesting dishes. I like cooking with Will.
21. I'm scared of getting Alzheimer's, like my mother.
22. I lived in Japan for a year when I was young. I've rarely worn shoes in the house since. It's just never felt right.
23. I took 4 years of French in high school and another two semesters in college. I had a decent grasp of the language. At 19 I gave up a chance to go to Paris for a month to live with a family and speak only French. I gave it up 'cause my boyfriend was angry I was going. Not THAT, I regret to this day. That was the guy I married and divorced.
24. I am a master procrastinator. I'm doing that now, writing this and not grading papers due tomorrow.
25. For two hours every Friday I have a room full of teens for Biology. I like these kids. And for two hours I try to accept them unconditionally. I don't think about what I know of them outside of class, if they are "nice" or not, wild or not. I try to treat them with respect and love. To help them feel valued. I hope I succeed.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
My sister-in-law named 2009 Iditarod Teacher on the Trail
Cathy Walters- 2009 Teacher on the Trail
My wonderful sister-in-law has been named Iditarod's 2009 Teacher on the Trail. It's an amazing amount of work, but she's so excited about the challenge. She'll spend a month in Alaska next winter before, during, and after the race. She will be flown in a small plane from checkpoint to checkpoint throughout the race, where she will file reports for teachers and students across the country to use in "real time" during the race. Throughout this year Cathy will develop curriculum and other classroom materials for use in schools across the country.
I can't tell you how proud I am of Cathy. She's always been a loving, funny, special person, and I'm so happy she's getting this once in a lifetime chance and recognition for how fantastic she is as a teacher.
You can also see a short video of her on the main Iditarod page.
My wonderful sister-in-law has been named Iditarod's 2009 Teacher on the Trail. It's an amazing amount of work, but she's so excited about the challenge. She'll spend a month in Alaska next winter before, during, and after the race. She will be flown in a small plane from checkpoint to checkpoint throughout the race, where she will file reports for teachers and students across the country to use in "real time" during the race. Throughout this year Cathy will develop curriculum and other classroom materials for use in schools across the country.
I can't tell you how proud I am of Cathy. She's always been a loving, funny, special person, and I'm so happy she's getting this once in a lifetime chance and recognition for how fantastic she is as a teacher.
You can also see a short video of her on the main Iditarod page.
Monday, May 19, 2008
The Wedding Weekend- Saturday Morning
Our plan was to pick up the photographer (Olivia) at 8:30 Saturday morning, so I set the alarm for about 6:30. (The photographer is the daughter of a friend of mine who is apprenticing in photography.) I woke up before that, but felt so tired I couldn't drag myself out of bed right away. The morning's activities looked daunting to me, and I wanted to delay getting started! However, I finally did rouse myself to action, and after a cup of coffee, got the kids up. Hannah was already up after getting only 3 or 4 hours sleep. Will, Hannah, and I had all made "What To Take" lists and after each list had been consulted, we managed not to forget anything at home. I call that a miracle, especially considering we had all of the bride's stuff, the dresses, shoes, etc, for both bridesmaids (my other two daughters) and for myself, as well as make-up, hair stuff, bouquets, table decorations, rings, homemade candies, cupcake stands, and more. It all made it!
We picked up Olivia about 10 minutes late, and got to the restaurant a little later than planned, but no harm done. We dumped all the dresses and paraphernalia at a "sister" restaurant next door since we would all be dressing there, and took the rest of the wedding stuff on to The Red Room, where Hannah was getting married. The groom and groomsmen arrived in a timely fashion, as well as the flower girl and the pastor, Jimmy Chalmers. (Jimmy wrote a short piece about the wedding on his site yesterday.) They did a quick run-through of the wedding, and then we "girls" retired to get ready.
Hannah and the bridesmaids walked up the aisle to Pachalbel's Canon, and the whole wedding went off smoothly, even though the grooms ring was still sitting in a box next door at the other restaurant! The pastor, my daughter Rebekah, Hannah, and Erik all pulled off a convincing pantomime, and no one knew until afterwards that no ring was actually there for the ceremony! The service took 12 minutes. Afterwards, the guests talked outside in the beautiful weather while the chairs were removed and tables set up, and while photographs were taken.
Speaking of photographs, I honestly don't have any. Not one. We'll be getting some, of course, but over the whole weekend we did not personally take ONE photograph. I was too busy! I'll try to post some as I get them from friends and family (and photographer!).
We had a tight budget for this wedding, but it was intimate and beautiful none-the-less. the bride made all the floral decorations herself from silk flowers, including all the bouquets. She made her necklace and earrings for the wedding, as well as her sister's earrings. A good friend made hundreds of molded chocolate candies for the wedding as a present, which we placed in small bags around on the tables as eatable decorations. The bouquets were placed in glass vases filled with glass stones on a square of mirror for table centerpieces.
For a wedding "cake," we opted for cupcakes in decorative wire cupcake holders, and a small (8") round decorated cake for the bride and groom to cut. We had 4 dozen yellow cupcakes with white buttercream icing, and 4 dozen chocolate cupcakes with chocolate icing. The cake was chocolate with a basket weave design in white buttercream. The cake "basket" was "filled" with decorative yellow icing roses on top. We taste tested cakes from several area store bakeries, but no "wedding" cake makers because of the cost. We picked a local food store called Lowe's Foods. The 8 dozen cupcakes and 8" cake together cost us about $70. The least expensive wedding cake we could find for 100 people was $300, most were close to $450.
What we did pay for was great food and great service at The Red Room. We payed for the party, and it was well worth the expense! In my opinion, the food was a much better place to put the money than fancy decorations or over-priced cakes.
The wedding started at 11:00 a.m. and the reception was over by 2:00 p.m. Later I'll make a short post about our fun-filled Saturday afternoon and evening with family.
We picked up Olivia about 10 minutes late, and got to the restaurant a little later than planned, but no harm done. We dumped all the dresses and paraphernalia at a "sister" restaurant next door since we would all be dressing there, and took the rest of the wedding stuff on to The Red Room, where Hannah was getting married. The groom and groomsmen arrived in a timely fashion, as well as the flower girl and the pastor, Jimmy Chalmers. (Jimmy wrote a short piece about the wedding on his site yesterday.) They did a quick run-through of the wedding, and then we "girls" retired to get ready.
Hannah and the bridesmaids walked up the aisle to Pachalbel's Canon, and the whole wedding went off smoothly, even though the grooms ring was still sitting in a box next door at the other restaurant! The pastor, my daughter Rebekah, Hannah, and Erik all pulled off a convincing pantomime, and no one knew until afterwards that no ring was actually there for the ceremony! The service took 12 minutes. Afterwards, the guests talked outside in the beautiful weather while the chairs were removed and tables set up, and while photographs were taken.
Speaking of photographs, I honestly don't have any. Not one. We'll be getting some, of course, but over the whole weekend we did not personally take ONE photograph. I was too busy! I'll try to post some as I get them from friends and family (and photographer!).
We had a tight budget for this wedding, but it was intimate and beautiful none-the-less. the bride made all the floral decorations herself from silk flowers, including all the bouquets. She made her necklace and earrings for the wedding, as well as her sister's earrings. A good friend made hundreds of molded chocolate candies for the wedding as a present, which we placed in small bags around on the tables as eatable decorations. The bouquets were placed in glass vases filled with glass stones on a square of mirror for table centerpieces.
For a wedding "cake," we opted for cupcakes in decorative wire cupcake holders, and a small (8") round decorated cake for the bride and groom to cut. We had 4 dozen yellow cupcakes with white buttercream icing, and 4 dozen chocolate cupcakes with chocolate icing. The cake was chocolate with a basket weave design in white buttercream. The cake "basket" was "filled" with decorative yellow icing roses on top. We taste tested cakes from several area store bakeries, but no "wedding" cake makers because of the cost. We picked a local food store called Lowe's Foods. The 8 dozen cupcakes and 8" cake together cost us about $70. The least expensive wedding cake we could find for 100 people was $300, most were close to $450.
What we did pay for was great food and great service at The Red Room. We payed for the party, and it was well worth the expense! In my opinion, the food was a much better place to put the money than fancy decorations or over-priced cakes.
The wedding started at 11:00 a.m. and the reception was over by 2:00 p.m. Later I'll make a short post about our fun-filled Saturday afternoon and evening with family.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
The Wedding Weekend- Friday Evening
The last week leading up to the wedding was exciting and tiring. On and off Tuesday and Wednesday I had a few min-panic attacks. I felt stressed with all there was to do, and all the unknowns surrounding the wedding details. By Thursday, however, I felt much calmer. There were still unknowns, and still lots to do, but I felt more excitement than stress. I kept checking things off my list and seeing it all come together. By mid-afternoon on Friday, the house was ready, the food was ready, and all the paraphernalia for the wedding had been gathered. Just in time for the out-of-town guests who started to arrive.
Most of my entire family arrived from out of town, coming from the mountains of North Carolina and Virginia, and as far away as Oklahoma. Will's family came as well, from Virginia and Ohio. All together we had almost 30 people arriving Friday afternoon and evening ranging from 2 years old to mid-70's. I planned food that could stay out and be snacked on all evening, and had a cooler full of drinks on ice.
Friday evening was full of catching up between family members, and making new acquaintances between families. There was always some group telling stories and people laughing so hard they were gasping for breath. As hostess, I stayed busy and didn't have as much time to just sit as I might wish, but it was fun to be an "observer" of this wonderful group of people. I was struck again by how blessed I am to be surrounded by such loving and open people as my family and Will's family. How can anyone be so doubly-blessed?
Erik and his two close friends (and future groomsmen) from Oregon stopped by for a while, and then went off again to see Iron Man and try not to stress over the wedding.
All the guests had headed to their hotel rooms by 10:00 pm or so, and Will and I cleaned up some before getting everything organized for the morning. Then we all went to bed, except Hannah, who I think got very little sleep!
Most of my entire family arrived from out of town, coming from the mountains of North Carolina and Virginia, and as far away as Oklahoma. Will's family came as well, from Virginia and Ohio. All together we had almost 30 people arriving Friday afternoon and evening ranging from 2 years old to mid-70's. I planned food that could stay out and be snacked on all evening, and had a cooler full of drinks on ice.
Friday evening was full of catching up between family members, and making new acquaintances between families. There was always some group telling stories and people laughing so hard they were gasping for breath. As hostess, I stayed busy and didn't have as much time to just sit as I might wish, but it was fun to be an "observer" of this wonderful group of people. I was struck again by how blessed I am to be surrounded by such loving and open people as my family and Will's family. How can anyone be so doubly-blessed?
Erik and his two close friends (and future groomsmen) from Oregon stopped by for a while, and then went off again to see Iron Man and try not to stress over the wedding.
All the guests had headed to their hotel rooms by 10:00 pm or so, and Will and I cleaned up some before getting everything organized for the morning. Then we all went to bed, except Hannah, who I think got very little sleep!
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
A "just in case" solution...
I just started a new blog in case I can't keep posting to this one.
Copy this url:
http://eclectic-experiment2.blogspot.com/
and keep it until I know for sure this blog is going to stay up. If I disappear, you'll know where to find me!
Carrie
Copy this url:
http://eclectic-experiment2.blogspot.com/
and keep it until I know for sure this blog is going to stay up. If I disappear, you'll know where to find me!
Carrie
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
New Year's Resolutions??
I've never done New Year's resolutions. So maybe I'll try to come up with a few this year.
This year I want to:
1. Figure out how to work my digital camera: how to upload pictures so I can share them. Maybe do the 365 Photoblog. (Although I need to get on with that if I'm going to do it!)
2. Spend more time listening to music. I've had a great time the last two days uploading several dozen CDs onto my iPod, and even buying some new ones at B&N or on iTunes. I'm rediscovering old favorites I hadn't listened to in years (like Led Zeppelin) and trying on some new ones (like Bush, Cake, and Death Cab for Cutie). It's so much fun.
3. Get more exercise. 'Nuff said.
4. Spend less "screen time" in the evenings- watching TV or on my computer. Read more and spend more time with the kids. (Although that may mean learning to play Wii games, and more screen time.)
5. Read the Bible. I've joined and online group reading through The Bible in three years. The plan is to read a selection each month and then ahve a day for discussion. I'm hoping the slower pace and the accountability will help me stay on track.
6. Read more. I've slacked off in the past two years and I'm not sure why.
7. Pray more, even if it doesn't look like my former idea of prayer.
8. Get involved in some real, tangible ways of helping others.
9. Try and stay within our budget.
10. Be flexible about my life. I want to try to hold plans loosely so that changes don't throw me for a loop.
11. To do a better job writing down my thoughts instead of keeping them in my head. Writing them down takes more discipline and time, but I think it will be well worth it.
That ought to keep me busy for the next year! We'll see in a year how I've done.
Happy New Year!
This year I want to:
1. Figure out how to work my digital camera: how to upload pictures so I can share them. Maybe do the 365 Photoblog. (Although I need to get on with that if I'm going to do it!)
2. Spend more time listening to music. I've had a great time the last two days uploading several dozen CDs onto my iPod, and even buying some new ones at B&N or on iTunes. I'm rediscovering old favorites I hadn't listened to in years (like Led Zeppelin) and trying on some new ones (like Bush, Cake, and Death Cab for Cutie). It's so much fun.
3. Get more exercise. 'Nuff said.
4. Spend less "screen time" in the evenings- watching TV or on my computer. Read more and spend more time with the kids. (Although that may mean learning to play Wii games, and more screen time.)
5. Read the Bible. I've joined and online group reading through The Bible in three years. The plan is to read a selection each month and then ahve a day for discussion. I'm hoping the slower pace and the accountability will help me stay on track.
6. Read more. I've slacked off in the past two years and I'm not sure why.
7. Pray more, even if it doesn't look like my former idea of prayer.
8. Get involved in some real, tangible ways of helping others.
9. Try and stay within our budget.
10. Be flexible about my life. I want to try to hold plans loosely so that changes don't throw me for a loop.
11. To do a better job writing down my thoughts instead of keeping them in my head. Writing them down takes more discipline and time, but I think it will be well worth it.
That ought to keep me busy for the next year! We'll see in a year how I've done.
Happy New Year!
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Happy Thanksgiving to all...
Our Thanksgiving didn't work out the way we'd planned, but it was great, nonetheless. Originally we planned to take the week in New Bern, NC. We planned to go out to eat for Thanksgiving, and do some site seeing and relaxing the rest of the week. I made these plans last spring and no one seemed to mind, but two weeks ago I started hearing rumblings of discontent. It seems it "not right" to spend Thanksgiving away from home unless you're spending it with family. The grumbling got louder and louder until Will and I realized it wasn't worth it. I canceled our plans and we stayed home. We didn't make final plans until the last minute, so we still planned to go out to eat. That all changed yesterday when a friend called and invited us over for Thanksgiving dinner. Inviting my clan at the last minute is no small thing. There are eight of us, including six who are adults, or who eat like adults! Not only did they invite us, they had the whole dinner planned and I didn't have to do anything but help out once I got there.
We had a great afternoon, ate plenty of great food, played games, and talked, talked, talked. The kids from teens down went to a local park after dinner and played Ultimate Frisbee. I'm afraid the adults were too full to move that much!
And if being blessed by one family isn't enough, we received a second invitation from another family. Wow! How blessed can we be?
I'm thankful for many, many things this year, but right now friends and family are at the top of the list.
Happy Thanksgiving to all my online friends, as well. You brighten my days!
We had a great afternoon, ate plenty of great food, played games, and talked, talked, talked. The kids from teens down went to a local park after dinner and played Ultimate Frisbee. I'm afraid the adults were too full to move that much!
And if being blessed by one family isn't enough, we received a second invitation from another family. Wow! How blessed can we be?
I'm thankful for many, many things this year, but right now friends and family are at the top of the list.
Happy Thanksgiving to all my online friends, as well. You brighten my days!
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Understanding and tolerance....
Tolerance and understanding are hard and, maybe, impossible. We are each rather small packages of our own life experience with limited abilities to get outside and truly see things from another's point of view.
For years I've thought a great deal about understanding vs tolerance, but lately I am simply not so sure it's as "easy" as opening your mind to new ideas and not prejudging. Perhaps I am being really nit-picky about the definition of understanding and tolerance, but I also see how really, really difficult it is in practice, even if it seems possible in theory.
Sometimes I feel we have it really backwards. I think it is much easier to tolerate than to understand. I do not understand a lesbian or gay person's position. It is fathomless to me. I can tolerate and I can treat the person with respect, but I don't understand. I may respect a friend who leaves her faith behind, but I don't understand it. I may see the steps she took, read the books she read, and ask a million questions, but in the end, since I am not making the same decision, I am not truly understanding her or her reasons. I can "tolerate," I can "agree to disagree," I can love, but I cannot understand.
So I guess I'm saying it is possible to understand the process, or someone's position, to better understand a line of reasoning, or the foundation behind actions and life decisions. But I do not think that is the same thing as truly understanding a person or another position.
I also don't know how much tolerance there is when two positions are diametrically opposed to one another. I won't stop fighting to end abortion on demand. I don't care how much I respect or "understand" the reasons people have for being pro-choice, but I think they are wrong and I'll keep trying to change the system if I can't change their minds. That's just one issue. When it goes on and on, I see no way people with truly divergent positions can tolerate each other forever. It's like a law of physics- two objects cannot occupy the same place at the same time. One will have to move before the other gets there. Someone has to give ground because two opposing views cannot occupy the same space at the same time. We can't have abortion on demand and ban abortion. We can't tolerate gay marriages and ban gay marriages. Etc., etc.
So, yes, I can better understand a position other than my own. And I strive to. But I am less sure that understanding leads to tolerance because 1) I don't think true understanding is possible while holding divergent positions and 2) true tolerance isn't possible in the long run.
What I'm getting at is slippery, even to me.
I'll use the example that came up in my life recently: Rollings saying Dumbledore is gay. I was accused of intolerance because I was upset by Rowlings' "revelations." I was told that "Hate the sin, love the sinner" is a hopeless failure because I am hating something integral to a person, their gayness. "How would you feel if people said they liked you but hated Christ, or Christianity? How would you feel if people felt like the should protect their children from you and your ideas?"
Well, huh! That would stink. (But guess what, I think that's happening all over the country, as evidenced by the recent Barna report on how negatively Christianity and Christians are perceived.)
The point I'm trying to make is, I can't be "tolerant" the way these people want me to be. Tolerance means acceptance. Tolerance means I allow them to continue to influence public opinion while I keep mine to myself. And tolerance will always mean that, because tolerance means leaving people alone to live their life they way they want.
I can't do that and neither can they. They aren't tolerant of my beliefs or my right to live my life as I want to, which includes speaking out against placing homosexual relationships on par with heterosexual ones for marriage and child raising.
So the bottom line is, no matter how much we like and respect each other, no matter how much we try to understand, we cannot "tolerate" each other forever. We hold mutually exclusive ideas. To truly tolerate a position you are opposed to, you have to avoid discussing it. You have to avoid it, period. Because real engagement with an idea will mean the differences in opinion will surface, and someone, or everyone, will be labeled "intolerant."
Stalemate!
For years I've thought a great deal about understanding vs tolerance, but lately I am simply not so sure it's as "easy" as opening your mind to new ideas and not prejudging. Perhaps I am being really nit-picky about the definition of understanding and tolerance, but I also see how really, really difficult it is in practice, even if it seems possible in theory.
Sometimes I feel we have it really backwards. I think it is much easier to tolerate than to understand. I do not understand a lesbian or gay person's position. It is fathomless to me. I can tolerate and I can treat the person with respect, but I don't understand. I may respect a friend who leaves her faith behind, but I don't understand it. I may see the steps she took, read the books she read, and ask a million questions, but in the end, since I am not making the same decision, I am not truly understanding her or her reasons. I can "tolerate," I can "agree to disagree," I can love, but I cannot understand.
So I guess I'm saying it is possible to understand the process, or someone's position, to better understand a line of reasoning, or the foundation behind actions and life decisions. But I do not think that is the same thing as truly understanding a person or another position.
I also don't know how much tolerance there is when two positions are diametrically opposed to one another. I won't stop fighting to end abortion on demand. I don't care how much I respect or "understand" the reasons people have for being pro-choice, but I think they are wrong and I'll keep trying to change the system if I can't change their minds. That's just one issue. When it goes on and on, I see no way people with truly divergent positions can tolerate each other forever. It's like a law of physics- two objects cannot occupy the same place at the same time. One will have to move before the other gets there. Someone has to give ground because two opposing views cannot occupy the same space at the same time. We can't have abortion on demand and ban abortion. We can't tolerate gay marriages and ban gay marriages. Etc., etc.
So, yes, I can better understand a position other than my own. And I strive to. But I am less sure that understanding leads to tolerance because 1) I don't think true understanding is possible while holding divergent positions and 2) true tolerance isn't possible in the long run.
What I'm getting at is slippery, even to me.
I'll use the example that came up in my life recently: Rollings saying Dumbledore is gay. I was accused of intolerance because I was upset by Rowlings' "revelations." I was told that "Hate the sin, love the sinner" is a hopeless failure because I am hating something integral to a person, their gayness. "How would you feel if people said they liked you but hated Christ, or Christianity? How would you feel if people felt like the should protect their children from you and your ideas?"
Well, huh! That would stink. (But guess what, I think that's happening all over the country, as evidenced by the recent Barna report on how negatively Christianity and Christians are perceived.)
The point I'm trying to make is, I can't be "tolerant" the way these people want me to be. Tolerance means acceptance. Tolerance means I allow them to continue to influence public opinion while I keep mine to myself. And tolerance will always mean that, because tolerance means leaving people alone to live their life they way they want.
I can't do that and neither can they. They aren't tolerant of my beliefs or my right to live my life as I want to, which includes speaking out against placing homosexual relationships on par with heterosexual ones for marriage and child raising.
So the bottom line is, no matter how much we like and respect each other, no matter how much we try to understand, we cannot "tolerate" each other forever. We hold mutually exclusive ideas. To truly tolerate a position you are opposed to, you have to avoid discussing it. You have to avoid it, period. Because real engagement with an idea will mean the differences in opinion will surface, and someone, or everyone, will be labeled "intolerant."
Stalemate!
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Into not so great silence......
I've written three or four blog posts recently and deleted them all. They were garbage. My brain seems to be stuck in a sort of infinite loop...I keep coming around to the beginning of things and never getting to the end. There are topics that interest me and that I'm thinking about, but when I blog them... my thoughts just sort of go nowhere.
Okay, so now I've just deleted everything I wrote for this post as well, except for that little bit up there.... Really I have no mind these days.. it's gone to Tahiti. I wish I'd gone with it.
How am I spending my time? Reading blogs...lots of blogs. Most are linked here on the sidebar, but a few I haven't added yet. I'll try to do that today. I'm also watching TV on DVD. Right now I'm working through the NCIS series while I await the arrival of season 3 of Numb3rs. My biggest dilemma right now is whether or not to go on and watch the new season of NCIS without first watching Season 3. Life is tough!
Anything else? Well, I spend a lot of time in the car, where I usually listen to classic rock. Except, of course, when the younger kids are int the car. It's not until you're belting out some song from your youth with kids in the car that you realize, "Wow! I didn't realize how inappropriate those lyrics were!" Sheesh. I'm going to bring my iPod from now on and listen to Teaching Company
lectures or audio books....or my classic rock, only with headphones on.
And, of course, I'm homeschooling the two girls. That usually take a bit of time each day. With my brain away it's a bit more work. Oh, and last night (Saturday) Will and I went to Tylers Tap Room for "Theology on Tap: Beer as a Spiritual Activity" or something like that. It was a thinly disguised excuse for drinking Trappist-brewed Belgian beer while discussing the finer points of hops and malt. Andrew, the liturgist and RCIA Inquiry director at St.Thomas More was the brains behind the operation. He brews beer at home and will use any excuse to promote the spiritual benefits of brewing and imbibing. Gotta love those Catholics. Not being a beer drinker, I sipped some good Australian shiraz and played designated driver. That way Will could feel guiltless about tasting all four brews offered. (Tasting, not drinking full bottles. But the samples were rather generous compared to wine tastings I've been to.) Tyler's seems to have food to match its beer. I look forward to returning and trying more.
Thanks for reading along. I think my brain is due to return from vacation soon. I'll keep you posted.
Okay, so now I've just deleted everything I wrote for this post as well, except for that little bit up there.... Really I have no mind these days.. it's gone to Tahiti. I wish I'd gone with it.
How am I spending my time? Reading blogs...lots of blogs. Most are linked here on the sidebar, but a few I haven't added yet. I'll try to do that today. I'm also watching TV on DVD. Right now I'm working through the NCIS series while I await the arrival of season 3 of Numb3rs. My biggest dilemma right now is whether or not to go on and watch the new season of NCIS without first watching Season 3. Life is tough!
Anything else? Well, I spend a lot of time in the car, where I usually listen to classic rock. Except, of course, when the younger kids are int the car. It's not until you're belting out some song from your youth with kids in the car that you realize, "Wow! I didn't realize how inappropriate those lyrics were!" Sheesh. I'm going to bring my iPod from now on and listen to Teaching Company
lectures or audio books....or my classic rock, only with headphones on.
And, of course, I'm homeschooling the two girls. That usually take a bit of time each day. With my brain away it's a bit more work. Oh, and last night (Saturday) Will and I went to Tylers Tap Room for "Theology on Tap: Beer as a Spiritual Activity" or something like that. It was a thinly disguised excuse for drinking Trappist-brewed Belgian beer while discussing the finer points of hops and malt. Andrew, the liturgist and RCIA Inquiry director at St.Thomas More was the brains behind the operation. He brews beer at home and will use any excuse to promote the spiritual benefits of brewing and imbibing. Gotta love those Catholics. Not being a beer drinker, I sipped some good Australian shiraz and played designated driver. That way Will could feel guiltless about tasting all four brews offered. (Tasting, not drinking full bottles. But the samples were rather generous compared to wine tastings I've been to.) Tyler's seems to have food to match its beer. I look forward to returning and trying more.
Thanks for reading along. I think my brain is due to return from vacation soon. I'll keep you posted.
Friday, September 14, 2007
A life lesson?
One of the things I'm most selfish about is sharing my good friends. Truth be told, I don't want that other person joining us at the table. I probably only have this one time to be with her this week, and I have to cram in all the important stuff into the time! Of course the stuff is all about me and mine. I want to share what a tough week it's been, or discuss those important matters like "Which curriculum are you using for grammar?" I don't seem to have room in my schedule or my heart to include another. Or to forgo talking all about me and listen instead while my much nicer friend asks the new person questions. She's good, that friend of mine. I can learn lots from her. In fact, from this good friend I've met several more ladies who are now good friends. Of course, at first, they were simply intruders at my table.
There's got to be a life lesson in there somewhere.
There's got to be a life lesson in there somewhere.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
The words of Henri J.M. Nouwen
"How does healing take place? Many words such as care and compassion, understanding and forgiveness, fellowship and community have been used for the healing task of the Christian minister. I like to use the word hospitality, not only because it has such deep roots in the Judeo-Christian tradition, but also, and primarily, because it gives us more insight in the nature of response to the human condition of loneliness. Hospitality is the virtue which allows us to break through the narrowness of our own fears and to open our houses to the stranger, with the intuition that salvation comes to us in the form of a tired traveler. Hospitality makes anxious disciples into powerful witnesses, makes suspicious owners into generous givers, and makes closed-minded sectarians into interested recipients of new ideas and insights.
..Human withdrawal is a very painful and lonely process because it forces us to face our own condition in all its beauty as well as misery. When we are not afraid to enter our own center and to concentrate on the stirrings of our own soul, we come to know that being alive means being loved. this experience tells us we can only love because we are born out of love, that we can only give because our life is a gift and that we can only make others free because we are set free by him whose heart is greater than ours. When we have found the anchor places for our lives in our own center, we can be free to let others enter the space created for them and allow them to dance their own dance, sing their own song, and speak their own language without fear. Then our presence is no longer threatening and demanding but inviting and liberating.
The minister who has come to terms with his own loneliness and is at home in his own house is a host who offers hospitality to his guests. He gives them a friendly space where they may feel free to come and go, to be close and distant, to rest and to play, to talk and be silent, to eat and to fast. The paradox is indeed that hospitality asks for the creation of an empty space where the guest can find his own soul.
Why is this healing ministry? It is healing because it takes away the false illusion that wholeness can be given by one to another. It is healing because it does not take away the loneliness and pain of another, but invites him to recognize his loneliness on a level where it can be shared. Many people in this life suffer because they are anxiously searching for the man or woman, the event or encounter, which will take their loneliness away. But when they enter a house with real hospitality they soon see that their own wounds must be understood, not as a source of despair and bitterness, but as signs that they have to travel on in obedience to the calling sounds of their own wounds....
A minister is not a doctor whose primary task is to take away pain. Rather, he deepens the pain to a level where it can be shared."
..from The Wounded Healer
I'm not sure exactly what Nouwen is saying, but I keep coming back to this passage again and again. This part especially: When we have found the anchor places for our lives in our own center, we can be free to let others enter the space created for them and allow them to dance their own dance, sing their own song, and speak their own language without fear.
In another place Nouwen talks about our "center."
"A life without a lonely place, that is, a life without a quiet center easily becomes destructive. When we cling to the results of our actions as our only way of self-identification, then we become possessive and defensive and tend to look at our fellow human beings more as enemies to be kept at a distance than friends with whom we share the gift of life.
In solitude we can slowly unmask the illusion of our possessiveness and discover the center of our own self that we are not what we can conquer, but what we've been given.
In solitude we become aware that our worth is not the same as our usefulness."
from Out of Solitude
Any thoughts?
..Human withdrawal is a very painful and lonely process because it forces us to face our own condition in all its beauty as well as misery. When we are not afraid to enter our own center and to concentrate on the stirrings of our own soul, we come to know that being alive means being loved. this experience tells us we can only love because we are born out of love, that we can only give because our life is a gift and that we can only make others free because we are set free by him whose heart is greater than ours. When we have found the anchor places for our lives in our own center, we can be free to let others enter the space created for them and allow them to dance their own dance, sing their own song, and speak their own language without fear. Then our presence is no longer threatening and demanding but inviting and liberating.
The minister who has come to terms with his own loneliness and is at home in his own house is a host who offers hospitality to his guests. He gives them a friendly space where they may feel free to come and go, to be close and distant, to rest and to play, to talk and be silent, to eat and to fast. The paradox is indeed that hospitality asks for the creation of an empty space where the guest can find his own soul.
Why is this healing ministry? It is healing because it takes away the false illusion that wholeness can be given by one to another. It is healing because it does not take away the loneliness and pain of another, but invites him to recognize his loneliness on a level where it can be shared. Many people in this life suffer because they are anxiously searching for the man or woman, the event or encounter, which will take their loneliness away. But when they enter a house with real hospitality they soon see that their own wounds must be understood, not as a source of despair and bitterness, but as signs that they have to travel on in obedience to the calling sounds of their own wounds....
A minister is not a doctor whose primary task is to take away pain. Rather, he deepens the pain to a level where it can be shared."
..from The Wounded Healer
I'm not sure exactly what Nouwen is saying, but I keep coming back to this passage again and again. This part especially: When we have found the anchor places for our lives in our own center, we can be free to let others enter the space created for them and allow them to dance their own dance, sing their own song, and speak their own language without fear.
In another place Nouwen talks about our "center."
"A life without a lonely place, that is, a life without a quiet center easily becomes destructive. When we cling to the results of our actions as our only way of self-identification, then we become possessive and defensive and tend to look at our fellow human beings more as enemies to be kept at a distance than friends with whom we share the gift of life.
In solitude we can slowly unmask the illusion of our possessiveness and discover the center of our own self that we are not what we can conquer, but what we've been given.
In solitude we become aware that our worth is not the same as our usefulness."
from Out of Solitude
Any thoughts?
Saturday, August 11, 2007
Blue Like Jazz
For NoVa Dad.
Here are a couple of reviews:
From Publishers Weekly
Miller (Prayer and the Art of Volkswagen Maintenance) is a young writer, speaker and campus ministry leader. An earnest evangelical who nearly lost his faith, he went on a spiritual journey, found some progressive politics and most importantly, discovered Jesus' relevance for everyday life. This book, in its own elliptical way, tells the tale of that journey. But the narrative is episodic rather than linear, Miller's style evocative rather than rational and his analysis personally revealing rather than profoundly insightful. As such, it offers a postmodern riff on the classic evangelical presentation of the Gospel, complete with a concluding call to commitment. Written as a series of short essays on vaguely theological topics (faith, grace, belief, confession, church), and disguised theological topics (magic, romance, shifts, money), it is at times plodding or simplistic (how to go to church and not get angry? "pray... and go to the church God shows you"), and sometimes falls into merely self-indulgent musing. But more often Miller is enjoyably clever, and his story is telling and beautiful, even poignant. (The story of the reverse confession booth is worth the price of the book.) The title is meant to be evocative, and the subtitle-"Non-Religious" thoughts about "Christian Spirituality"-indicates Miller's distrust of the institutional church and his desire to appeal to those experimenting with other flavors of spirituality.
Copyright 2003 Reed Business Information, Inc.
Book Description
Miller has the first chapter in .pdf on his site: http://www.donaldmillerwords.com/resources.php
Let me know what you think if you decide to read it!
Here are a couple of reviews:
From Publishers Weekly
Miller (Prayer and the Art of Volkswagen Maintenance) is a young writer, speaker and campus ministry leader. An earnest evangelical who nearly lost his faith, he went on a spiritual journey, found some progressive politics and most importantly, discovered Jesus' relevance for everyday life. This book, in its own elliptical way, tells the tale of that journey. But the narrative is episodic rather than linear, Miller's style evocative rather than rational and his analysis personally revealing rather than profoundly insightful. As such, it offers a postmodern riff on the classic evangelical presentation of the Gospel, complete with a concluding call to commitment. Written as a series of short essays on vaguely theological topics (faith, grace, belief, confession, church), and disguised theological topics (magic, romance, shifts, money), it is at times plodding or simplistic (how to go to church and not get angry? "pray... and go to the church God shows you"), and sometimes falls into merely self-indulgent musing. But more often Miller is enjoyably clever, and his story is telling and beautiful, even poignant. (The story of the reverse confession booth is worth the price of the book.) The title is meant to be evocative, and the subtitle-"Non-Religious" thoughts about "Christian Spirituality"-indicates Miller's distrust of the institutional church and his desire to appeal to those experimenting with other flavors of spirituality.
Copyright 2003 Reed Business Information, Inc.
Book Description
"I never liked jazz music because jazz music doesn't resolve. . . . I used to not like God because God didn't resolve. But that was before any of this happened." In Donald Miller's early years, he was vaguely familiar with a distant God. But when he came to know Jesus Christ, he pursued the Christian life with great zeal. Within a few years he had a successful ministry that ultimately left him feeling empty, burned out, and, once again, far away from God. In this intimate, soul-searching account, Miller describes his remarkable journey back to a culturally relevant, infinitely loving God.
When I read Blue Like Jazz it was simply different from anything else I'd read before. I haven't read Traveling Mercies by Anne Lamott, buy many people say they have a similar feel. Miller himself says he patterned Blue Like Jazz on Lamott's book. He was taken with her honesty and openness. Blue Like Jazz was my first experience with anything resembling "emergent" or "postmodern" in the world of Christian thought and practice. It was like a breath of fresh air to me. I agree with the Publisher's Weekly review that Miller sometimes gets simplistic and introspective (read "naval gazing"), but it was well worth the read. I've bought several copies for friends, and as high school graduation presents.Miller has the first chapter in .pdf on his site: http://www.donaldmillerwords.com/resources.php
Let me know what you think if you decide to read it!
Wednesday, August 8, 2007
Confessing sin
As Christians, we seem to be pretty comfortable with sin. I might even say we go so far as to keep it like a pet and show it around, so that everyone knows we "take sin seriously."
"Yeah, I know I'm a sinner! Just like Paul..wretched man that I am!! See? I got sin right here. I can even cry on cue."
Don't get me wrong. I think sin is our constant companion, whether we want it to be or not. We sin because we are sinners. A life of righteousness is a struggle. But I still wonder if we aren't too comfortable with it. We talk about it so much, we preach sermons on it, we gossip about the sins of others, we deny it, we tsk tsk about it, we pray and pray for relief from it, and we genuinely cry over it. But there it is, like a big lump in our laps every time we sit down.
I wonder if our obsession with sin has anything to do with our relatively easy life. I somehow suspect that living at a subsistence level leaves little time for naval gazing. "Each day has enough troubles of its own." (Matt. 6:34) Hard work has a way of helping heal the pain of having sinned, too. At least I think it does. Hard work makes it a lot easier to think of yourself as worth something, as useful, as having a purpose. No wonder the Proverbs warns us against idleness. Not only does idleness give us opportunity to sin, but it gives us too much time to dwell on it afterwards. Dwelling on sin can cause a sort of fatalism that, in the end, can make sin harder to resist. "I'm no good. I can't help it. I've tried to do better, but I can't!"
This all leads to why I think the Catholic Rite of Reconciliation has real, solid, life-and-blood merit. It does two things. First, it gives us a place to put that lump that's been on our lap. You go and you unload it...all that sin. You confess it, out loud to a living, breathing person. That takes some guts. I think privately confessing it to God is easier, even if it shouldn't be. That might be another example of our level of comfort with sin, by the way. Anyway, there you are giving up this lump and going away without it. It's not yours to think about or talk about anymore. It's a done deal. Stop dwelling on it.
Secondly, a real, live, flesh-and-blood person assures you of God's forgiveness, out loud. You don't think that makes a difference? How many times have you confessed the same sin to God because you don't feel forgiven? It can be argued that confessing sin to another person is the way it should be done. (James 5:16) I think this is for accountability, to be sure. But it's mostly because 1) we need the prayers of righteous people and 2) we need to hear we are forgiven. We are relational creatures, which is why God sent his Son in the flesh, to walk and talk among us. Jesus was (is) personal, and that's something we can relate to.
But maybe we're so comfortable with sin that we're a little scared of what it would be like to walk away from confessing and be completely free of it, even for a short time. It reminds me of a character in Lewis's The Great Divorce, who couldn't give up their little sin, and stayed in hell instead of choosing to be free of it.
And have you read Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller? At one point he and his friends set up "Confessionals" on their campus, only they didn't hear the confessions of others. No, they quietly confessed their own sins to each person who sat down. I bet that was a freeing, even exhilarating, experience.
I hear that whether or not I join the Catholic church, I can go to confession. That sounds good to me. Someday. I'll get around to it I'm sure. But not right now, the sin is asleep on my lap, and I'd hate to disturb it!
"Yeah, I know I'm a sinner! Just like Paul..wretched man that I am!! See? I got sin right here. I can even cry on cue."
Don't get me wrong. I think sin is our constant companion, whether we want it to be or not. We sin because we are sinners. A life of righteousness is a struggle. But I still wonder if we aren't too comfortable with it. We talk about it so much, we preach sermons on it, we gossip about the sins of others, we deny it, we tsk tsk about it, we pray and pray for relief from it, and we genuinely cry over it. But there it is, like a big lump in our laps every time we sit down.
I wonder if our obsession with sin has anything to do with our relatively easy life. I somehow suspect that living at a subsistence level leaves little time for naval gazing. "Each day has enough troubles of its own." (Matt. 6:34) Hard work has a way of helping heal the pain of having sinned, too. At least I think it does. Hard work makes it a lot easier to think of yourself as worth something, as useful, as having a purpose. No wonder the Proverbs warns us against idleness. Not only does idleness give us opportunity to sin, but it gives us too much time to dwell on it afterwards. Dwelling on sin can cause a sort of fatalism that, in the end, can make sin harder to resist. "I'm no good. I can't help it. I've tried to do better, but I can't!"
This all leads to why I think the Catholic Rite of Reconciliation has real, solid, life-and-blood merit. It does two things. First, it gives us a place to put that lump that's been on our lap. You go and you unload it...all that sin. You confess it, out loud to a living, breathing person. That takes some guts. I think privately confessing it to God is easier, even if it shouldn't be. That might be another example of our level of comfort with sin, by the way. Anyway, there you are giving up this lump and going away without it. It's not yours to think about or talk about anymore. It's a done deal. Stop dwelling on it.
Secondly, a real, live, flesh-and-blood person assures you of God's forgiveness, out loud. You don't think that makes a difference? How many times have you confessed the same sin to God because you don't feel forgiven? It can be argued that confessing sin to another person is the way it should be done. (James 5:16) I think this is for accountability, to be sure. But it's mostly because 1) we need the prayers of righteous people and 2) we need to hear we are forgiven. We are relational creatures, which is why God sent his Son in the flesh, to walk and talk among us. Jesus was (is) personal, and that's something we can relate to.
But maybe we're so comfortable with sin that we're a little scared of what it would be like to walk away from confessing and be completely free of it, even for a short time. It reminds me of a character in Lewis's The Great Divorce, who couldn't give up their little sin, and stayed in hell instead of choosing to be free of it.
And have you read Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller? At one point he and his friends set up "Confessionals" on their campus, only they didn't hear the confessions of others. No, they quietly confessed their own sins to each person who sat down. I bet that was a freeing, even exhilarating, experience.
I hear that whether or not I join the Catholic church, I can go to confession. That sounds good to me. Someday. I'll get around to it I'm sure. But not right now, the sin is asleep on my lap, and I'd hate to disturb it!
Friday, August 3, 2007
Maybe it's not all about ME...
I think my blogging experiment might be coming to a close. I've learned some really valuable lessons here, and even had a few insights that might be worth reading. But overall, I've found out the limitations of blogging more than the opportunities.
One of my first posts was called A Bloggers Uncertainty Principle. In it I explored the fact that blogs have limitations. Part of the limitation is that it fixes things in time. By that I mean as we react to real people through our blog, we freeze them and their actions or words in time, thereby not allowing for them to grow and change as "real" people do. An associated limitation is the fact that blogs are often public, and therefore expose our thoughts to a very public audience. What we say can wound others, even when we don't mean to. It is limiting when you start thinking about who is reading along and what you really don't want to say "in front of" that person, who might take it wrong.
But today I'm thinking about another limitation that, for me, is much worse than the others. Blogs don't really off much dialog or discussion. It isn't the nature of the beast. Most of my computer life has been spent on forums, where discussions were the name of the game. The give and take of years of interactions have truly shaped who I am today. I'm better educated, more compassionate, less judgmental, and more open minded, for example. It's been difficult and stressful at times, but immensely rewarding. Blogs don't allow for that, and because of that, blogs are much less likely to be instruments of real change for the blogger. Blogging is the consummate MeWorld.
I find I am growing tired of MeWorld. I don't like just reading someone's opinions, and having no way to discuss them with the person. My experience is most bloggers don't like to be challenged, at least not on their blogs. That is the their place, a place to present themselves to the world. It is not really about discussion. I want discussion, even painful, stressful, challenging discussion. I've decided I'll take that over safety any day. Right now in my life, those kinds of discussions are only going to take place in real life.
So the fate of my blog is undecided. I'm not a person who likes to journal about my life. I've never kept a diary. This blog has never been about what my family is doing on a weekly basis. In fact, none of my extended family even know I have a blog. This blog has been about what I'm learning or thinking, mostly, and lately I haven't been posting what I'm thinking, for various reasons I won't even go into. But mainly, I wonder if the exercise is even helpful or healthy. Maybe it's not about me and what I'm thinking and feeling. Maybe it's about someone else. Maybe it's time to get out of MeWorld and into the life God has for me.
One of my first posts was called A Bloggers Uncertainty Principle. In it I explored the fact that blogs have limitations. Part of the limitation is that it fixes things in time. By that I mean as we react to real people through our blog, we freeze them and their actions or words in time, thereby not allowing for them to grow and change as "real" people do. An associated limitation is the fact that blogs are often public, and therefore expose our thoughts to a very public audience. What we say can wound others, even when we don't mean to. It is limiting when you start thinking about who is reading along and what you really don't want to say "in front of" that person, who might take it wrong.
But today I'm thinking about another limitation that, for me, is much worse than the others. Blogs don't really off much dialog or discussion. It isn't the nature of the beast. Most of my computer life has been spent on forums, where discussions were the name of the game. The give and take of years of interactions have truly shaped who I am today. I'm better educated, more compassionate, less judgmental, and more open minded, for example. It's been difficult and stressful at times, but immensely rewarding. Blogs don't allow for that, and because of that, blogs are much less likely to be instruments of real change for the blogger. Blogging is the consummate MeWorld.
I find I am growing tired of MeWorld. I don't like just reading someone's opinions, and having no way to discuss them with the person. My experience is most bloggers don't like to be challenged, at least not on their blogs. That is the their place, a place to present themselves to the world. It is not really about discussion. I want discussion, even painful, stressful, challenging discussion. I've decided I'll take that over safety any day. Right now in my life, those kinds of discussions are only going to take place in real life.
So the fate of my blog is undecided. I'm not a person who likes to journal about my life. I've never kept a diary. This blog has never been about what my family is doing on a weekly basis. In fact, none of my extended family even know I have a blog. This blog has been about what I'm learning or thinking, mostly, and lately I haven't been posting what I'm thinking, for various reasons I won't even go into. But mainly, I wonder if the exercise is even helpful or healthy. Maybe it's not about me and what I'm thinking and feeling. Maybe it's about someone else. Maybe it's time to get out of MeWorld and into the life God has for me.
Thursday, August 2, 2007
A great rant...
Follow the yellow brick road...or in this case, just follow the links. My friend Jimmy posted this link on his site, Woodshavings (see sidebar for link). I encourage you to read this post by the Internet Monk. He links the posts he's commenting on. Okay, that's a lot of reading...but well worth it, imo!
I don't seem to have much worthy to say these days, so I'm happy to pass along the insights of others.
http://www.internetmonk.com/archive/riffs-072807-brant-hanson-and-celebrity-sinners
I don't seem to have much worthy to say these days, so I'm happy to pass along the insights of others.
http://www.internetmonk.com/archive/riffs-072807-brant-hanson-and-celebrity-sinners
Sunday, July 29, 2007
A continuing journey...
At the Saturday Vigil Mass Will finished an 18 month journey by joining the Catholic Church. It was a beautiful mass, and we were blessed to have all our children there to experience it with us. It made me smile to look down the pew and see them all sitting there, from oldest to youngest. I was so proud!
There were four people joining the church that evening. Will was the last to get anointed with oil, and Father John obviously figured he might as well dump the remaining oil from the horn on him! The scented olive oil ran down his face and even managed to sneak under the towel provided. For the rest of the evening, Will smelled faintly of olive oil and roses and his collar was stained darkly with the excess oil. He was well and truly anointed.
Will's sponsor was also our RCIA director and now good friend, Andrew. During the Eucharist, Andrew guided Will directly to Father John for his first communion in the Catholic Church. It was an emotional moment for Will, something he'd been looking forward to for months.
Afterwards, Will and I, along with out youngest daughter, went to a party given by the family of one of the new members. The food was wonderful and the company even more so. The Catholic church we attend is very large, but we are finding a community within the community, and the fellowship is good.
Right now our family will relax and enjoy being together on Sunday mornings again. Will and I will mostly go to Saturday evening Mass, or perhaps very early Sunday morning. Then we will join our children for worship at Grace. We will continue to be a "two-church" family...or a three-church family if you count our occasional forays to the church where our friend is the pastor (see Woodshavings link at right). In the fall when I get a handle on life, I may go back to RCIA Inquiry and restart the path myself. But for now, I am happy to be an observer, and happy to be sitting next to my husband in church again. Life is good.
There were four people joining the church that evening. Will was the last to get anointed with oil, and Father John obviously figured he might as well dump the remaining oil from the horn on him! The scented olive oil ran down his face and even managed to sneak under the towel provided. For the rest of the evening, Will smelled faintly of olive oil and roses and his collar was stained darkly with the excess oil. He was well and truly anointed.
Will's sponsor was also our RCIA director and now good friend, Andrew. During the Eucharist, Andrew guided Will directly to Father John for his first communion in the Catholic Church. It was an emotional moment for Will, something he'd been looking forward to for months.
Afterwards, Will and I, along with out youngest daughter, went to a party given by the family of one of the new members. The food was wonderful and the company even more so. The Catholic church we attend is very large, but we are finding a community within the community, and the fellowship is good.
Right now our family will relax and enjoy being together on Sunday mornings again. Will and I will mostly go to Saturday evening Mass, or perhaps very early Sunday morning. Then we will join our children for worship at Grace. We will continue to be a "two-church" family...or a three-church family if you count our occasional forays to the church where our friend is the pastor (see Woodshavings link at right). In the fall when I get a handle on life, I may go back to RCIA Inquiry and restart the path myself. But for now, I am happy to be an observer, and happy to be sitting next to my husband in church again. Life is good.
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Sometimes we get it right.....
Here are some pictures of GraceMart. Every year our church community processes thousands of donations of clothing, toys, food, furniture and more, and gives it all way...for free. Last night, the GraceMart served 410 people. Today volunteers are at the church processing hundreds of new donations to make them available tonight and tomorrow night. Although I took 7 big bags of clothing over there two weeks ago, I'm ashamed to say I forgot about GraceMart during this busy week. I meant to go over and work. That's what I get for not putting it on my calendar. But even if I forget, God doesn't. He's faithful...and in his faithfulness, hundreds of people in our area will be blessed with free clothing, food, and furniture.
http://www.enjoymore.net/gallery/gracemart/index.htm
http://www.enjoymore.net/gallery/gracemart/index.htm
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